[EWE] Royal Flush 2013 - 07/07/13

ROLEPLAY: 2/3
WRITTEN BY: MIKE M

The scene opens up in some kind of fancy restaurant. It is speed dating night and several tables are full of people on blind dates. We move over to the last table where Mike Jobber is sitting. He is in his finest pair of lime green sweats. He is puffing on his cigarette and looking over at the kind of cute blond sitting across from him. He smiles at her.

{Mike Jobber}
And that is why I am never allowed in a Victoria Secret’s ever again. Speaking of bras, I bet you have a nice one on right now. What are you a size B. Not much going on up there.

She slaps the taste out of his mouth and walks off right as the buzzer goes off. A black haired girl with tattoos on her arms sits down. She looks him up and down and shrugs.

{Black Haired Girl}
I could do worse. You smoke? Can I bum a cigarette?

Mike holds out his pack of cigarettes. The black haired girl takes one as Mike smiles at her.

{Mike Jobber}
This is awoems. You know what they say, if she smokes she pokes!

The black haired girl grabs her drink and tosses it in his face. She gets up and heads over to wait for the bell to ring. Mike wipes the water from his face.

{Mike Jobber}
She couldn’t have handled me.

The bell rings and Mike turns back to the table. He is looking at Annie Fugate. She scoffs.

{Annie Fugate}
Check please.

{Mike Jobber}
I work with you. What’s up girl?

{Annie Fugate}
Can we just sit here in awkward silence for a the next few minutes. Cause me and you just aren’t going to happen.

{Mike Jobber}
I know your history. I will buy you for the night. I’ll give you five dollars.

{Annie Fugate}
It’s five hundred dollars for just a dinner date.

{Mike Jobber}
How much for a hug?

{Annie Fugate}
I use to charge fifty for a hug. For you? Two hundred.

{Mike Jobber}
Forget it, you aren’t really my type anyways. You couldn’t handle the power of a Jobber!

{Annie Fugate}
I’m sure it would be hell trying to stay awake.

{Mike Jobber}
Jessica has no trouble staying awake with Dustin.

Annie grabs his shirt and pulls back to punch him. Mike covers his face until the bell rings. Annie pushes him back in the chair and walks off. Mike waits for someone new to sit down but nobody does. The owner off the place walks over to him.

{Restaurant Owner}
No one wants to sit back down with you. You need to leave.

Mike stands up and walks out the door and into the night air. He slowly drags his way down the street until he hears an excited yell. A woman runs up to him with a piece of paper in her hand. She is a short woman, probably about five two. She has shoulder length black hair and is wearing torn blue jeans and a white tank top with open sleeves showing off her black bra.

{Betty Stewart}
You are Mike Jobber! I love the Jobbers! United Jobber Squad of America forever! My name is Betty Stewart, can I have your autograph?

Mike signs the paper for her. He hands it back and she smiles up at him brightly.

{Betty Stewart}
I’ll be rooting for you at Royal Flush. I hope you kick the shit out of those Queen bitches.

{Mike Jobber}
That’s going to be a piece of pie. As easy as cake. Who can stop us Jobbers? Summer Rae. What kind of stripper name is that? She is probably just trying to be like Sunshine Fugate. And worst off, she was trained by Trish Stratus. That means she was trained to be a washed up loser. She hasn’t done anything yet and she won’t do anything now. The Jobbers never lose when we are united as one.

{Betty Stewart}
Beat that Audrey Marie too. She annoys me so bad.

{Mike Jobber}
Funny how Mickie gets a nasty taste of her own medicine. The stalker becomes the stalkie. At least when Mickie was stalking Trish, she had the ring skills to back it up. Audrey has nothing. Why couldn’t Lita have been in this match. I’d love to roll around in the ring with Lita.

{Betty Stewart}
You like red heads? I would totally dye my hair red for you.

{Mike Jobber}
Don’t do that, your fine just the way you are.

{Betty Stewart}
You think I am fine?

{Mike Jobber}
Of course. Mush finer then Trish Stratus. Maybe she was hot ten years ago before gravity took hold of all her lady parts. And that doesn’t even begin to describe what she has done in the ring lately. Which is just lay on her back and get pinned. It is pretty sad when the best person in the match is Mickie James. And she is an official Jobber punching bag.

{Betty Stewart}
I think she has a thing for Jon Jobber. She seems to pick at him the most.

{Mike Jobber}
Mickie James has enough on her plate. And we all know the Queens are falling apart at the seams. Soon, the Jobbers will dominate the tag rankings. And we will be the tag team champions once again. On Royal Flush, the Queens get smoked.

{Betty Stewart}
That was totally awoems! Would you like to go have dinner with me?

{Mike Jobber}
I could eat. Do you smoke?

{Betty Stewart}
Yes I do. And it is true, if she smokes she probably pokes.

Mike Jobber smiles as he hands her a cigarette. The pair walk off together as the scene cuts to black.

ROLEPLAY: 3/3
WRITTEN BY: Dustin Markowitz

(The camera opens up with a shot of everyone's favorite jobber DUSTIN JOBBER standing in front of a mirror. We just see a shot of his head and he looks at himself intensely in his reflection. He clears his throat and begins to talk to himself.)

Dustin Jobber: Well here we are Dustin... Back close to your hometown defending the honor of the girl whose honor you need to honor for her to be honored too. Are you ready?

(Dustin shakes his head no.)

Dustin Jobber: What??? You need to be ready for this! All those sucko queens are going to be out there and you need to beat there brains in JOBBER STYLE!

(Dustin shakes his head no again and he sighs.)

Dustin Jobber: Look I know you are scared but you need to remember two things. First... You look awesome in chinos and a tie. Second, you are Dustin Jobber. You are a former X-Division champion. You are a former tag-team champion. You are the hottest thing since uh... Um... Errr...

(We suddenly see Jessica "Sunshine" Fugate pop up next to Dustin with a smile on her face.)

Sunshine Fugate: The power of the sun!

(Dustin smiles and he nods back to her.)

Dustin Jobber: Why thank you darling... THE POWER OF THE SUN.

(Again Dustin shakes his head no and Sunshine frowns too.)

Sunshine Fugate: Hmmm... Looks like you are having doubts out there.

(Dustin scoffs.)

Dustin Jobber: Of course not... It's my reflection that is doubting me... Stupid me...

(Dustin throws a punch at the mirror and only succeeds in bashing his hand. He grabs his knuckles in pain before shooting back up and pointing a finger at himself.)

Dustin Jobber: Oh you think you're tough eh???

(Dustin looks like he is going to fight his own reflection when Sunshine puts a hand on his shoulder.)

Sunshine Fugate: Careful, he looks tough.

(Dustin looks back at her then back at his reflection and nods.)

Dustin Jobber: True... So what can I do to convince me to be ready to pin all of those lousy, pathetic, cholitas in this match?

Sunshine Fugate: "Cholitas?"

Dustin Jobber: Bless you.

(Dustin scratches his chin as Sunshine suddenly snaps her fingers.)

Sunshine Fugate: Why not pretend to be someone else to convince yourself you can be the best you can be!

Dustin Jobber: No no... That won't work..... Unless I pretend to be someone else to pretend I can pretend I can be the best I can pretend to be!

(Sunshine cocks her head.)

Sunshine Fugate: That is absolutely... BRILLIANT.

(Dustin nods.)

Dustin Jobber: I know... Give me your lipstick.

(Sunshine looks at him quizzically but comes up with several shades to lipstick because well... This is a Jobber RP and the concept of reality where she would have this lipstick means nothing. Dustin takes them all and ducks out of sight before speaking aloud again.)

Dustin Jobber: Dustin Jobber may be scared to get back in the ring with the queens but one man who wouldn't be would be the best darn wrestler in the history of mat technicians.

(A sudden snort is heard as Dustin brings his head back up and he has drawn ULTIMATE WARRIOR MAKEUP ON HIS WHOLE FACE!!! Sunshine covers her mouth in shock.)

Sunshine Fugate: NO!

(Dustin growls and nods before doing a dead-on Warrior impersonation.)

Dustin Jobber: YES. FROM THE DEPTHS OF MY OUTER GODS COMES A MAN WHO KNOWS NO STEP BACK. I COME ONLY FORWARD WITH THE INTENT OF BEATING THOSE WHO WOULD DAMAGE THOSE I HOLD DEAR. THE QUEENS OF WRESTLING HAVE NO IDEA OF WHAT THE POWER OF THE ELDERS FROM ABOVE CAN DO WITH THE INTENTION OF ME. FEEL THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR!!!!!!!!!!! DUN... DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Dustin tears off his shirt and begins shaking as he sprints away from the mirror still humming the Ultimate Warrior theme song. He runs several laps before running out the door. The camera follows him as Dustin runs like a madman and grunting loudly as several road agents look up at what the hell he is doing. Dustin begins running in place as he looks at all of them and pumps his fists to the heavens.)

Dustin "The Ultimate Warrior" Jobber: ALL OF YOU HAVE STOPPED WHAT NEEDS TO BE KNOWN. I WILL MAKE YOU ALL FEEL THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR!!!!!

(Dustin begins sprinting again and nails a JOBBINATION CLOTHESLINE on the nearest Road Agent who goes sprawling to the ground. He keeps running as wipes out two more as people begin running for their lives. Dustin has gone nuts as he Splashes on of the road agents on the ground. He counts his own three before getting up again.)

Dustin "The Warrior From Parts Unknown" Jobber: THE QUEENS HAVE ALREADY LOST! FEEL THE POWER OF THE WARRRRRRRRIORRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(It is freaky weird as Dustin gets up and keeps running with some unknown power guiding him as the camera fades to black...)